This week's question comes to us from Kristin:
My daughter is 11 years old and is in 5th grade. She has been very successfully dealing with "girl drama" in her class this year, which included her being excluded by the "cool. girls", the boy crush stuff and of course the typical which girl is "in" the click today and which one is out. From what other parents have shared with me this will intensify as she moves into middle school next year. Plus we having even started with the increase of hormones as puberty start to kick in and the next stages of brain development! Therefore, I would love your input on the topic, from how to handle this journey as a parent and perhaps what tools you can offer to our young tweens.
Girl drama is something all women remember dealing with at one time or another. For many of us, it has left an unhealed wound that we carry through into adulthood that has shaped our self-image causing limiting beliefs of self.
I have worked most of my adult life in healing self-limiting views of who I believed I am that mostly have stemmed from my peer relationships, especially in my painful tween and teen years.
These limiting views affect EVERYTHING, from the choices we make in our careers, our partners, our lifestyle, and behaviors and much more. I've seen how these limiting beliefs of self cause teens to turn towards drugs to numb the pain and/or be accepted by peers. Let's avoid that now!
It is so important that we support our young girls to be empowered, one step at a time, so they do not have to carry the same limiting views of their worthiness and value.
Here are some tips to support her in this journey.
1) Hold the vision as her parent and guide. See her in her joy, her empowerment. See her figuring it out. When you discuss the situation with your daughter, let her know that you believe in her inner strength and ability to figure it out. Let her know you see her shining through this temporary situation and that you KNOW good will come from it. Perhaps new friends that mirror back to her the pure, loving goodness that she is. It may be a new social circle that shares her true interests that she feels free to explore with and have fun.
When you hold the vision of 'everything working out better than expected!', you convey a strong positive energy of possibilities to your daughter which allows for her to step into for herself.
Be mindful of your projections. If you were to offer pictures of fear, worry and doubt, then your daughter will tap into those pictures and "I'm not okay" images which makes it more likely for her to create that as her reality.
Even when you are not speaking with your daughter about the situation, it is the vision you hold that offers the energy of either lack or abundance. Which do you choose to see for her? Remember to be the guide that holds the highest possible vision for her to tap into.
2) Trust in your daughter's Higher Self. We are each guided by our Higher Self. When you are willing to accept this, you begin to trust in the process of life more, each step of the way.
See all her experiences contributing to her greater sense of self. Don’t take her experiences away from her due to your fear or your need to shield her from hurt.
It is often our painful experiences that thrust us into a newfound realization of our own power and desires for what we TRULY want.
Many of the world’s greatest visionaries and teachers are who they are BECAUSE of their painful experiences, for example Tony Robbins and Oprah Winfrey. Would you want to take that potential away from your child?
What you DON’T want them to experience is the same pain over and over and over again. We often learn the most from our painful experiences, however, that does not mean we have to continue to repeat the cycle of pain until we learn.
Discuss with your daughter the good that has come from her experiences. Discussions like this will cultivate her inner strength, wisdom and belief in herself.
If you would like support in becoming more empowered to guide your kids to a life of self-empowerment, you are invited to join me on a personal mentoring journey. Please contact support @ successfulkidsrevolution.com for more details.
Youth Empowerment Coach, Trainer and Mentor Julie Kleinhans works with parents, teachers, and youth practitioners by supporting them to empower the kids in their lives to be successful and embrace their own uniqueness. Get her FREE Guide for Parents and Teachers on What Every Kid Needs to Know to Be Empowered at SuccessfulKidsRevolution.com
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